The First Steps: Early Sobriety and Relapse
Part 2 of My Journey to Alcohol-Free Living
In Part 1, I shared my gradual descent from social drinking into a silent struggle with heavy drinking. Now, I'll reveal my first attempts at sobriety and the important lessons I learned about what truly makes an alcohol-free life sustainable in the long-term.
Reaching Out for Help
After years of struggling with depression and alcohol, I reached out for professional support. In 2010, I received medical assistance to stop drinking but I didn't address the underlying causes behind it.
So I quit completely (with medical support) and I felt physically better very quickly. Yes, there were sleepless nights, and some anxiety, but overall I was incredibly relieved to have broken the drinking cycle that I had struggled to get out of.
The Physical Benefits of Early Sobriety
My first period of sobriety lasted from 2010 to 2014. The immediate physical benefits were remarkable:
Significant weight loss within the first three months (I had become very bloated with all the wine I had been drinking)
Reduced anxiety when I woke up
Relief from mysterious aches and pains
Clearer skin and brighter eyes (no more applying eye drops every day to hide the bloodshot look!)
Better energy levels throughout the day rather than crashes and spikes
Better sleep quality, though falling asleep initially was challenging
Most days, I didn't even want to drink—I was simply grateful to feel and look physically better. This reinforced my decision to stay alcohol-free, at least temporarily.
The Missing Mindset Work
Looking back, I now understand what was lacking in my early sobriety: I hadn't changed my mindset around alcohol. I still harboured fantasies about "one day" enjoying a nice bottle of wine with friends or celebrating a special occasion "normally." I envied people who could seemingly have just one or two drinks without spiralling.
The truth is, I was essentially just changing what was in my glass without transforming my relationship with drinking or examining the reasons behind my drinking. I didn’t fully explore questions such as:
What was I using alcohol to escape from?
What emotional voids was drinking temporarily filling?
What did I need to heal in my life that alcohol was masking?
Who was I without the identity of "White Wine Lucy"?
I continued socializing in the same places with the same people, doing the same activities—just with a soft drink instead of alcohol. This approach was not something I could sustain long term, because I still viewed a life without alcohol as deprivation rather than liberation.
A Return to Drinking
In 2014, I accepted a teaching position at a university in the Middle East, thinking that I would be away from alcohol and the social pressures around it.
Little did I know!
For my first six months there, I didn’t see any evidence of alcohol, as I was living mostly amongst the local population, but then I moved to a university that had an international community. The expat scene there had its own glorified drinking culture, intensified by the restrictions around alcohol in the country. Due to local limitations on alcohol, people found creative workarounds—making homemade alcohol, and hosting frequent house parties where alcohol flowed freely.
The forbidden nature of drinking in this context added an element of rebellious excitement and an atmosphere where drinking wasn't just social—it was an act of expatriate solidarity and cultural identity. I wanted to join in and socialise, but I knew that going back to drinking was a slippery slope for me.
At that point, I didn’t feel able to able to be honest about my relationship with alcohol, so I'd make excuses about being "on a health kick" or taking antibiotics to avoid awkward conversations about not drinking. I still didn’t feel confident or comfortable in my identity as a non-drinker, and I decided to try moderation.
The Moderation Myth
During trips back to the UK, between 2014 and 2020, I managed to moderate my consumption carefully the first few times, but it was exhausting. Inevitably, moderation gave way to the familiar pattern of binge drinking.
I didn’t get in to regular drinking when I was back in the Middle East, and I'd go through periods of abstinence—often reaching 100 + days alcohol-free and feeling proud of the achievement—followed by "rewards" of wine during travel that would restart the destructive cycle.
What Was Missing: Community and Understanding
The critical element missing from my early sobriety attempts now seems obvious: I lacked a sober community. I had no sober friends or support network of people who understood my struggles. I was attempting a major life transformation completely alone.
At that time, the alcohol-free movement we see today barely existed. Being the only person not drinking felt isolating and conspicuous. I didn’t know anyone else who had chosen an alcohol-free lifestyle and I had no access to the resources and communities that exist today.
The Essential Components for Lasting Change
Through these experiences, I discovered that simply removing alcohol isn't enough for sustainable recovery. Without addressing the underlying reasons for drinking and building supportive connections, it's all too easy to revert to negative patterns.
If you relate to this cycle of attempted moderation, periods of sobriety, or feeling isolated in your struggles with alcohol, please know that your difficulty isn't a personal failure—you're likely just missing crucial pieces of the puzzle.
You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone
Whether you're sober curious, attempting moderation, or have tried quitting before, there's a better approach than the lonely path I initially took. Sobriety thrives in community, with proper support and mindset work.
Ready to approach your relationship with alcohol differently? Download my free 7-Day Alcohol-Free Kickstart Guide.
This resource helps you understand not just the "how" of going alcohol-free but the essential "why"—and connects you with others on the same journey.
Download Your Free 7-Day Alcohol-Free Kickstart Guide Now
Coming in Part 3: How I finally found freedom through community, purpose, and shifting from shame to pride in my alcohol-free identity.